Long overdue shared experiences in Africa

Really, there is no sufficient excuse for the length of time that has passed since God allowed me to experience a bit of life on the African continent before sharing it with you on this blog. I continue to reel emotionally from the things I saw and learned there and pray that God will help me to adaquately express how my heart is full and broken and hopeful for the people there. Perhaps that is why I have procrastinated for so long. There is fear in me that I won't be able to paint pictures for you of the depth of reality: the good, the sad, the beautiful, the heartbreaking, the hopeful, etc. that I saw and experienced. I met many amazing people and was blessed to share but a moment, a day or two weeks of their lives.

I'm filled with gratitude to the Father for allowing me to go there and hope with all my being that He allows me to be used by Him there in the future to help the widowed, the abandoned, the abused and the orphans. He doesn't need me, but I hope He'll use me. There is no greater honor than to be mallable in the Father's hands. He is more than worthy of my complete trust in Him for the direction of my every minute for the rest of my life. Afterall--it is not my life but His.

In the coming weeks I will write about specifics that occured while I traveled in Malawi and South Africa and hopefully learn to add photos to this site. For now, here are some ramblings...

When I think back I remember the darkness in the eyes of those who were desperate and hungry. But I remember more the fabulous blue of the sky and the warm brown of the children's skin, the thatched roofs and dry brick of the huts and the faded yellow of the corn stalks lying in the harvested fields. I remember the smiles and giggles and onreyness and dirt and pride on the faces of the orphans at Grace Farm as they played and learned and lived their lives with abandon.

I imagine that someday I'll experience life living in a hut, surrounded by the smoke of grass fires, the dusty brown earth and hardy trees during the dry season and the vibrant green of the undergrowth and the buzz of misquotes and the voices of those working the fields during the rainy season. What will God have me doing? My heart thrills within me as I seek Him about when He will allow me to go back and what He will do with me--there where my heart longs to be.

Will I help dig the well that will provide life giving water for me and others in the village when it hasn't rained at all for eight months and the rainy seasons of previous years have been insufficient? Will I work in the fields or teach job skills to the adults? Will I teach the orphans? How long will it take me to learn the language? What village will I live in? Will there be other missionaries there? Will I have access to the outside world by satelite phone or internet? Will I try to be independant or allow others to help me? Will God grow me in the gift of hospitality or will I want to keep my hut door closed to others and only share my life with others while outside those walls. God can change that major flaw in me if only I will let Him.

Who will be my best friend? Will I learn to play the guitar as I plan and be able to sing and play with a circle of children around me--teaching me their songs and giggling at my mistakes? Will I help some of the ladies in our village begin their own business of selling their hand made wares of jewerly and baskets, paintings and drawings? Maybe I should have studied business in college...

How tremendous it would to be able to help ladies earn an income to better feed themselves and their hungry children and leave behind the despiration of wondering how they will have any food for the next day. What will the ladies think of me? Will they see the love of Christ in me and be drawn to His Spirit within me? Will they be willing to have a Western friend? What will they assume about this still single, Amazon tall, 32 year old white woman who cries easily and loves to play just like the children of our village.

So many questions...I cannot wait to begin discovering the answers.