Africa and marriage

Recently I went hiking/camping with about 30 women from my church. Many of the conversations at some point turned to the opposite sex, and with the single ladies, there was a confidence for each of them that there is someone out there and I will get married someday.

I stand on the outside of that natural assumption, and have stood outside of it for a long time. I have always been particular about whom I spend time with and have not for many years had a special relationship with a man that I thought might lead to marriage. Since I have passed into my 30s, I've concluded that God must intend to keep me only for Himself. I sure He knows I would have trouble wanting to split my worship between my husband and Himself and He rightly covets it only for Himself.

For about a year I've known that I would return to Africa to serve in missions in some capacity. With that decision I knew marriage became an even more remote possibility for me. Considering the other aspects of my personality and eccentricities, finding a person who is passionately in love with Jesus, wanting to serve in His name in Africa, and able to love me for me even though I'm older and a little eccentric--really, really narrows down the already slim number of eligible Godly men that I meet.

It would be totally cool if that person exists, but I'm not holding back on God's direction in my life to wait for him. I was told recently by a person pursuing me that I do not act like I want to be pursued. That evoked in me many questions that I've been processing through--without a clear conclusion. As any of you girls reading this will probably identify with--one day I feel one way and the next, quite another...Only the grace of God can balance out my fickle heart. I do know that I love my Savior and my desire it first for Him.

1 Corinthians 7 makes a whole lot of sense to me in my present state. : )