Hypersensitivity

This week I worked with the children's shelter girls on Wednesday. It was the most difficult day I have experienced there since last year. I ended the shift with uncontrollable sobs that racked my body for about a half hour. The pain of the teen I was working with was palpable, and affected me strongly throughout the day, long before she turned the brunt of her anger and pain in a verbal attack on me at the end of the shift.


My first year or so at the shelter as a naive young adult who thought 99.8% of parents are good people, I cried almost daily at work and at home. As the years passed, I learned to disassociate myself to a degree where I would not cry about the children's circumstances more than once or twice a month. However, now that I am not around them during their daily struggles, I find that my ability to put up a sort of shield between them and me has deminished. I have again become hypersensitive to the children's pain, confusion and anger.


This strong emotional reaction occurred my first two days in the Namwera district in Malawi as well. During the 12 hour trip from Blantyre to the farm, the gentleman who began Grace Farm gave me an education on circumstances for women and children in the area. My reaction was intense and I cried much of those first couple of days.

I have friends who can feel the initial emotional reaction to an incident, but delay their tears until they are in their car, or in their home, or even face down in their pillow at night. I have never had that ability, and I confess I envy it. I seek to balance my off the charts empathy with maintenance of composure, a level head and faith that God is not unaware of the plight of the hurting.

"Give me the love that leads the way, The faith that nothing can dismay, The hope no disappointments tire, The passion that will burn like fire, Let me not sink to be a clod: Make me Thy fuel, Flame of God." --Amy Carmichael

Divine Interruptions

Today I visited Grace Point Church and listened to an inspiring message on Divine interruptions.


As I drove to run an errand after church, I passed a woman at a stoplight holding a sign. Clearly she was an interruption, and I was amazed at how quickly God sent one my way. She carried a sign that said she was "Out of Luck and hungry". She had two dogs on leashes, which was intriguing. I wonder if they are for protection? I had not the courage to stop and offer to take her anywhere. I did not take the TIME to circle back around to drop off food for her.


I often find myself paralyzed from action when I have the 15-20 second encounter with homeless and drifters at stoplights. Once I gave a lady a package of graham crackers I had in the car--but it is just pitiful that I do put forth more time and effort to help. Sure, there is the potential for victimization or manipulation if I stop, but Jesus didn't consider those things a hindrance when He stopped so frequently to reach out.

So far this weekend has been an interesting one, with wide ranges of experiences and emotion. Yesterday I worked 7a-7p at St. Mary's where I served in very basic and humble ways and 'helped' a woman bring her first child into the world. Within an hour of the birth, I was dressed in an evening gown, rubbing shoulders with some of the most influential people in Northwest Arkansas at the Starlight Charity Ball. I was struck by the incongruities of my experiences. That charity ball benefits the abused and neglected children living at the children's shelter. The young girls at the shelter love to watch movies and listen to me read stories about princesses, knights, chilvarlous rescues and evening at balls. They get shiny eyes and far away dreamy looks in their pain darkened eyes.


Today the church body of Grace Point donated hundreds of bags of groceries for the needy of NWA. I was reminded of how blessed I am, and how it can take so little time and money to make a huge difference materially, spiritually and emotionally in someones life.

This afternoon I received a call that I have been awarded a $1000 scholarship based on my financial need and volunteer work. I would like to say that I will just give it away since I am very aware of how blessed I am, but there is this 'worry mentality' I have that in a few months that very amount might be all I have to pay the bills with. I wish my faith in God's provision was more active. I have seen His Hand in my life so many times.


Some of you know that I grew up very, very poor. I remember when I was a teen there were two families at church who would sometimes press a $20 in Mom's hand. I am not sure if they knew just how significant their generosity was. God always provided just in time. We were never hungry, and though my clothes were not as fashionable and expensive as my classmates, I was not dressed shabbily. Mother was always able to pay our bills on time. We lived very modest lives that I think will always help me to appreciate any abundance and help prepare me for a simple life in Africa.