Blessing!

Today I met a woman named Blessing! This is a huge blessing to me!

While riding my bicycle with Karissa through a residential area of Bunj I heard someone say, "Hi Girls", in a casual, friendly manner. Wow! You have no idea how good that sounds when you are starving to chat with the women you live among!

I long for deeper relationships with the Mabaan women around me, but I'm so limited by my small grasp on their language and their absolute lack of English. Before meeting Blessing, my friend and co-worker at the Nutrition Program--Orpha, was the only Mabaan woman I knew who was fluent in English. Orpha is long-suffering with me as I deluge her with questions about language, culture, work, relationships, etc. Now I'll be able to spread out my questions and not be such a burden to her.

Blessing has just moved to the area and taken a job with the UN. We will become friends, I'm sure of it!

Thankful!

Bombs and Bubbles in the course of a day in South Sudan

Today has been an atypical day.

I slept in until 7 since it was a ministry day for me—ministry day means I don’t have to be in the clinic and can do things like visiting, studying language, hanging out with nutrition program children, etc.

This morning during personal devotions I heard a strange sounding plane pass over, but only gave it a moment;s thought. About an hour later I learned that is was an Antonov, an old Russian bomber being used by the Sudan army. 30 minutes after it passed over us it dropped bombs on Kurmuk, a largish town in the disputed Blue Nile State. Fighting had ensued during the night in another town in that State between the Governor and the Sudan army, but I was unaware of this until I heard about the bombing. Needless to say my heart fell when I heard about this upsurge of violence in a new area along the border. There have been fighting and bombings taking place in South Kordafan State and the Abyei region, but it was limited to those two areas since Independence Day (as far as we know) until this week.

After hearing this news and praying, I carried on with my original plans and spent the early morning preparing to lead devotions at the TBA meeting. This is a quarterly continuing education meeting for the Traditional Birth Attendants in our area. We provide them with information, pertinent to births in this part of Sudan, and with birthing kits so that they can help women have safer, healthier deliveries at home.

Midmorning, during my time with the TBAs, a plane landed on the dirt airstrip near our compound. A teammate ran out to find out what was going on. It was an AIM charter plane that had just done an emergency evacuation of Kurmuk and Yabus, two towns just north of us. Both towns were bombed within minutes of this very plane departing from their airstrips. We praised God that they were removed safely just before the bombings occured.

When I finished devotions with the TBSs I ran to the airstrip to greet the people who had been evacuated from Kurmuk and Yabus. Amazingly the conversations were relatively light. The people in Kurmuk and Yabus had a very stressful night and morning, learning of the need for their immediate removal around 3am--but having the delay of waiting for a flight to come from Kenya to evacuate them. By the grace of God, everyone was able to smile, though the smiles of the two pilots were a little tight--they were making a second flight into Yabus for two more missionaries who did not get on the first evacuation flight.

After seeing the plane off to return for those missionaries, I went to my tukul and threw together an emergency bag in case we also needed to leave in a hurry.

Thirty minutes after take off from our airstrip the flight returned with two shaken passengers who had been at the airstrip when the bombing occurred following the first evacuation flight. They had run for their lives into the bush at that time and made the decision that they needed to evacuate as well. However, they had to wait for the plane to leave its passengers with us in Doro and return. When it did return for them it was on the ground in Yabus for only a minute to remove them.

Back on our airstrip in Doro the evacuees, nine in total, loaded back up and flew off for Kenya. Thank God for AIM missionary pilots John and Jay!

After waving them all off, I resumed my usual Friday afternoon ministry--always one of the highlights of my week. Our nutrition program has an inpatient compound where malnourished sick children are admitted and monitored while receiving special nutritional milk formula every three hours and medications for their illnesses. The mothers and children (strangers brought together by the diagnosis of malnutrition from many different villages) live together in tents for a few days to a few weeks while we daily weigh, assess, feed and medicate them. On Fridays I go and cut the children’s dirt caked finger nails and do manicures and pedicures for the mothers and grandmothers. This is a treat for them as such things as fingernail polish, clippers and lotion are only possessed by the wealthy.

While there I introduced the Mabaan women and children to bubbles! Oh what fun! One little girl shrieked in fear initially, but within seconds was giggling and trying to catch them. By the time I left, all the older children—who are not so sick--were blowing bubbles and having a grand time. There is something about bubbles that lightens every heart.

Throughout the remainder of the day no further news of fighting or bombing reached us, but let me tell you--I take notice and my heart starts beating a little faster than normal when I hear any aircraft now.

I arrived home wet, muddy and shivering as it rained while I was a the nutrition compound and I got a little wet trying to get everyone’s nails done. It drops into the 70s when it rains and when you are accustomed to 90s and 100s all the time, that is cold! I kicked back for about 30 minutes with a book about inspirational women in the Bible and then helped my teammate Karissa prepare dinner for the team. We did our best to make Mexican food, something we sorely miss here in Sudan without cheese, chicken, salsa, guacamole, etc.

As it is Friday night, our team is now having Movie Night in the common room watching a movie on someone's laptop. This little escape from the reality of Sudan is a weekly indulgence for us. I’m sitting this one out as I’m so behind on correspondence and wanted some time to process this roller coaster day. This was an atypical day--but one I wanted to share with you.

God has been faithful in protecting our SIM team in Yabus and other ex-patriot friends working in Kurmuk, but we know that the nationals haven't been removed from danger by any outside power greater than their own legs taking them into the cover of the bush and God giving them the strength and opportunity to do so. Our prayer is for them, that God will cover them with His feathers (Psalm 91:4), that He will show Himself powerful and a Rock of defense for them (Psalm 62:2). We ask Him to end the violence and bring reconciliation between Sudan and South Sudan, between governments and armies, between races and tribes...

Galatians 3 talks about a world of people who are one in Christ and therefore reconciled to God and each other. Sudan is very, very far from that place, but ultimately that is why we are here and we do not lose hope.

"Now that faith has come, we are no longer under the supervision of the law. You are all sons of God through faith in Christ Jesus, for all of you who were baptized into Christ have clothed yourselves with Christ. There is neither Jew nor Greek, slave nor free, male nor female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus. If you belong to Christ, then you are Abraham’s seed, and heirs according to the promise." Galatians 3:26-29

Will you pray for reconciliation with us as well?

Tempestous Emotions

My emotional nature often gets the better of me and I find myself with tears running down my face prompted by things that are only slightly sad, or with laughing too hard at something only marginally funny to others but that has me in stitches, or with tight anger burning in my chest--with little provocation. Did God make me like this or is this my sinful nature? Sometimes I can take intense sadness or frustration with some grace and respond the way most of the rest of the Christian world would in the same circumstances--but other times I become an emotional basket case.

This past week was a case in point. We had a 12 year old boy arrive at the clinic with tetanus spasms. I had never seen a patient with tetanus and I hope never to again. It is a extremely painful and distressing disease. The body begins this response 5-15 days after exposure to the tetanus toxin. First the jaws begin to get stiff and within a day the body goes in to repeated spasms where the muscles clench all at once--creating what my Kenyan teammate refers to as the "Devil's Smile" where the body arches backward creating an unnatural curve head to toe as the muscles contract simultaneously, painfully and completely out of control. Unlike some other conditions that are distressing, in tetanus, the patient's mind is completely lucid so they are fully aware of how much they are suffering.


For the first day of Abuth's care I maintained decorum and did not cry as I provided care for him--pushing sedatives through his IV to relax the muscles for a short time and giving him injections for the pain. I was oncall that night and the strain wore on me as I saw his condition worsen in spite of the increasing amounts of sedative I gave him. As his distress increased my poise was finally lost the next morning. I went out behind the clinic building and sobbed. I returned some 10 minutes later but the evidence of my tears was on my face. I'm now told this could have been distressing to the family and made them think I had no hope for their loved one and/or no faith in God. That further burdens me. Obviously I do not want my emotional reaction to a patient's illness to make anything more difficult for the patient or the family!

For the next two days my heart was heavy for this boy and his family. He died during the third evening of his illness in the hospital closest to our clinic--a 30 minute plane ride away. I was alone in my tukul that evening and heard the mourning begin. My heart sank, but still I hoped that there was another reason for the wailing sound coming from the next compound--where some of his family are our neighbors here in Doro. Two teammates and I went and sat with them that night as they began the grieving process (following a phone call they received from the uncle who had accompanied him to the hospital.)

The Sudanese are usually very stoic and we are often left guessing as to what they are thinking. However, in death, the stoicism is gone and the raw pain comes out in their posture, faces, voices and flows over to all those around them. When there is a death immediately the women begin wailing and preparing the body while the men begin to dig the grave. Female friends and family gather around from the nearby villages and mourn with the immediately family--joining their voices in the haunting wails and songs. We sat on the ground in the dark without even a fire to light the night. We sat in support, we sat in silence, we sat in prayer. Suddenly there too I once again lost my composure and began sobbing. I hoped my sobs, different from their crying and wailing, were lost in the noise.

It was late and they gave us water to wash our faces with before sending us home. The next two days, while we were still at work in the clinic, many more friends and family joined them sitting on the ground in silence, sharing their pain. I appreciate their cultural way of sharing the grief. In Western culture we often try to fill the silences with words, uncomfortable with our thoughts and really not knowing what to say-but babbling on anyway.

I found the Mabaan mourning process comforting and honest. However, I'm concerned that lately I have been far more emotional than usual--when I do not have the excuse of a tragic death.

I've said "I'm wired this way" as an excuse for my occasional emotionally lability. Today in a Bible study I looked at my inadequacy and God's strength in my weakness. The question about when I feel most inadequate was easy--it is when I'm emotional. The Word tells me to fill myself with His Truth, to form my mind around Him and the wealth of information and life instruction He has provided. I'm told to ask for wisdom and to cry out for understanding. In the wake of last week, I'm doing that.


I wonder often what it really means to "guard my heart" as instructed to do. Lately my heart seems to be all over the place. In Proverbs 4 it tells me "Keep your heart with all vigilance, for from it flow the springs of life. Let your eyes look directly forward and your gaze be straight before you. Ponder the path of your feet; then all your ways will be sure." Prov 22 "Hear, my son, and be wise, and direct your heart in the way."

My heart is surely wayward, following after this passion and that cause, blown about by the persuasive opinions of people of influence in my life. My emotions swing this way and that depending on my level of fatigue, physical hunger, the people I'm in the presence of, the fluctuations of my chemical make-up, my abilty to lean upon God, my sin weighing me down, the encouragement-- or lack there of-- from my friends, etc. 2 Tim 3 tells us that the Word equips us. I know sometimes when I'm studying, it is particularly piercing and so relevant to my life at that moment. But my life is so full of work, people, stimulating influences--distractions-- I forget so much of what I read and find myself floundering about, having my confidence and joy stymied, failing to stand upon the Truth of who God is in who I am in Christ.

Would that I could always "Be strong in the Lord and in the power of His might..."

2 Timothy 2:22 "So flee youthful passions and pursue righteousness, faith, love and peace, along with those who call on the Lord from a pure heart. Have nothing to do with foolish, ignorant controversies; you know that they breed quarrels. And the Lord's servant must not be quarrelsome but kind to everyone, able to teach, patiently enduring evil, correcting his opponents with gentleness."


Longing for more self-control and peace in the tempest...