Crash

I watched the movie Crash this weekend and am still reeling, examining my heart. How difficult it is to know one's self.

I am becoming a cynic and want to stop

Having now seen many nurses in the field at five different hospitals in NWA--I find myself becoming cynical. I naively thought that only a person who is kind, compassionate and patient would choose the nursing profession. Unfortunately I have seen much evidence to the contrary--including some students in my own nursing program. The last three weeks have been very discouraging as my perception is that I have seen more negative nursing than positive nursing.

There are many nurses who are excellent with the patients and their families, but I have seen more who are mediocre and some who are terrible. Many are able to conceal their negativity and cruel opinions when they enter a patient's room, but having heard what they say about those very people in the break room and at the nurses station, I am incredulous--leaning toward cynicism, about attitudes in the nursing profession.

The old adage of 'you become like the people you spend time with' comes to mind and I pray that with the grace of God I maintain a positive, kind and compassionate heart with all of my patients. I know that I am responsible for my own attitude, beliefs and actions. I must not allow myself to be pulled into the disrespecting and fun-poking at the patients. A dear friend is encouraging me to speak up for the patients and other people who are being disrespected. In the clinical setting it was inappropriate for me to speak up to the nurses other than to change the subject or mention something position. However, I am challenged to speak up among my peers.

I recently looked at a list of quotes about nurses and found myself hoping to see more truth in these among the nurses and nursing students in Northwest Arkansas.

Caring is the essence of nursing. ~Jean Watson

Nurses can take the pressure. ~Unknown

Nurses dispense comfort, compassion, and caring without even a prescription. ~Val Saintsbury

Bound by paperwork, short on hands, sleep, and energy... nurses are rarely short on caring. ~Sharon Hudacek, "A Daybook for Nurses"

When you're a nurse you know that every day you will touch a life or a life will touch yours. ~Unknown

Nurses are patient people. ~ Unknown

Nurses - one of the few blessings of being ill. ~Sara Moss-Wolfe

A nurse will always give us hope,an angel with a stethoscope.~Carrie Latet

As I write this incredibly negative blog, I examine myself, squirming in my chair. Am I not joining the ranks of the negative with my words? Maybe I will delete this one when my mood changes.

I pray that for the hundreds applying to nursing programs in Northwest Arkansas, that it will be the kind and compassionate ones who get in--not just the students with the highest GPAs. I pray that God will improve my attitude and show me how to encourage my classmates and the nurses at the facilities. I want to be able to look behind the unpleasant expressions and hateful words to the root of the issues and build up my peers instead of judging their nursing attitudes as I have for the past few weeks. Some of the people I have recently witnessed being unkind have deep hurts of their own. Their words are coming hearts discouraged, hearts blinded to the good in the world and the hope of a joyful life.

If you have no will to change it, you have no right to criticize it. ~ Unknown

Snakes!

Today, while at the church related outing at a park in Fayetteville, I came very close to a snake, I froze for a minute, then squawked out a man's name who was about 30 feet away. I do not know why snakes terrify me so much--other than the 'natural enmity' the Bible mentions. Matt, the friend from church who came to my rescue, was unable to hear my weak, squeaky calls until I tried four times. When he arrived on the scene, he was as cool as a cucumber. This was inexplicable to me still in the throws of my fear.

I recently met a missionary kid (now an adult) who grew up in Ghana. Among many other interesting things about the culture and the work of his parents, he mentioned the snakes. I think I had been in denial about how I will encounter snakes in Africa. I knew they had many and some very dangerous ones--but I really hadn't thought about them in connection with my life there. Eeeekkk!